You Are Not Broken: Separating Your Mistakes from Your Self-Worth

I believe we’ve all been there.

That feeling in your chest when you realize you said something you didn’t want to say, did something you regret, or fell back into a pattern you promised yourself you’d leave behind. Maybe it was something small (a forgotten promise, an impulsive reaction. Or maybe it was something you felt deeply) a decision that hurt someone you love, or a moment when you felt you betrayed your own values.

And then that inner voice whispers: “See?  you’re not enough, you are bad and flawed.  That’s why you’re broken. That’s why you don’t deserve love.”

But here’s a truth I wish we had been taught as children: You are not your mistakes. You are not broken. You are human and you are allowed to make mistakes. 

A Very Personal Realization

Recently, I had a deep realization. I noticed how much I had tied my self-worth to the idea of not making mistakes. For so many years (too many )  I lived with this heavy, silent belief: If I make a mistake, it means I’m defective. That I’m broken. That I don’t deserve love or respect.

I was so identified with that story that making a mistake terrified me. And of course, if I believed that messing up meant I was bad, how could I allow myself to take risks, be authentic, or even learn?

It’s amazing to look back and see how long I believed that lie,  how it shaped the way I showed up in the world, how I talked to myself, and how I related to others. And now that I see it clearly, now that I’m beginning to separate what I do from who I am, I feel a huge space to breathe.

Although I have to admit, I also feel a lot of grief and sadness , and I recognize that this is part of the healing and realization process. Letting go of an identity, even when it was harmful, is always painful and requires grieving. I acknowledge that I need to give myself space for that, too.

Mistakes Are Moments, Not Identities

One of the most healing things we can learn is to separate our actions from our identity.

Making a mistake doesn’t mean you are a mistake. Messing up doesn’t mean you’re broken. Failing doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love, connection, or growth.

Many of us learned to internalize what we do. Instead of saying “I did something wrong,” we jump straight to “there’s something wrong with me.” And that belief, that confusion, keeps us stuck in shame, self-abandonment, and impossible perfectionism.

Responsibility Without Shame

This is not about avoiding responsibility or excusing harm. Integrity matters. Repair matters. But shame is not the same as responsibility. In fact, shame often keeps us away from real change because it leads us self-criticism, or internal punishment.

A New Way Forward

Imagine what would change if we could say: “Yes, I made a mistake. And I am still a good person learning to do better.”

Imagine treating yourself with the same compassion you offer a dear friend,  without minimizing what happened, but holding her gently as she learns.

That kind of kindness to yourself isn’t weakness. Its the perfect ground for true change. 

In Case You’ve Forgotten…

You are still whole. You are still worthy of love. You still deserve to grow, heal, and start again (even on your darkest days).

Your worth doesn’t disappear because you stumble. Your mistakes are chapters in your story, not the whole book. You have the right to evolve.

From my heart to yours 

Ale  

NOTE:

Those very deep beliefs are rooted in childhood. When we are children we believe that everything is our fault and then shame and guilt are born.

Always go back to your childhood experiences to release yourself from these very deep and heavy beliefs that keep you held down.

Learn more about Inner-child Healing