The Art of Pretending

May 11, 2020

 

 

 

 

Reading these lines by Evanescence, inspired me to write the following:

 

 

 

When will you realize that your uniqueness is in what you perceive as your "flaws"?

When will you be ready to know the real and simple beauty that lies within yourself?

When are you going to give yourself all the Unconditional Love and Acceptance that you craved when you were a child?

 

Many of us or most of us, have had to cover a lot of "flaws" growing up just because we thought we HAD to be perfect. Probably because of the demands of society, family, school, religion.... the outside world expectations....

We master "the skill of pretense" to the extent of not even knowing that we were pretending.

To the extent of believing that those masks, walls, protections, were our true self without realizing we were playing roles as actors do, only that they do it as a job.

 

It is a blessing to be an adult today and realize those masks, those beliefs, those lies. To at least acknowledge them and realize, "I am lying to myself".  Forget about everyone else, I am lying to myself.... and NOT being honest with oneself is the first impediment for healing, for growth, for happiness, for freedom ....

 

I have grown up in a world where is a miracle if I meet an authentic person.  Where even today most adults still practice this skill, still play these roles to keep a reputation, a name, a label, an appearance, a whatever... other than being human.

 

As adults we have the power to choose to free ourselves and to heal ourselves.

 

Children, I would say under the age of 5, are authentic and honest. 

They say what they really think and how they really feel ... but little by little adults condition the authentic honest child into lying...

 “don’t say that to the lady, be nice, smile, don’t cry, grow up, don’t behave like that... don’t say that, we don’t ask those questions... be polite with the lady or the gentleman, don’t get angry , that's so bad and ugly, smile.... say hello to the ...... don’t be rude (because the child is being honest). Be more like your sister, be more like your brother, be more like your neighbor, be more____, be less____, why don’t you go out and play like the other kids, why can’t you be quiet for a while, boys don't cry, why can’t you be more like_______.

 

Pretend, pretend, pretend. Be anyone else other than yourself.  That is the message the child is receiving.  “You are not good enough as you are”.  And many other beliefs that end up coming out in therapy or whenever the person decides to heal and grow.  

Many other people self-medicate with pills, alcohol, any drug, or ANY thing that keeps them distracted from those wounds.  

 

Pretending that we are fine

Pretending that we are happy

Pretending that we don’t care about someone not liking us so we can hide the feeling of rejection

Pretending that we like everything ourselves

Pretending that we know something so we don’t feel stupid or ignorant

Pretending that we don’t make mistakes, that we have it all under control and figured out

Pretending that we don’t cry or we don’t feel sad or lonely sometimes

Pretending that we don’t get angry about anything because we are so "peaceful and happy"

Pretending that we are confident so we can hide the fact that we feel insecure or nervous inside

Pretending that you want to do something when you really don't…

 

The fact is that as long as we pretend and hide those hurts, wounds, insecurities, mistakes, weaknesses, "flaws", imperfections...... they will rule our lives.

 

You cannot heal something if you don’t first acknowledge it exists.

They need to be acknowledged and look into the eyes, just like when you have a fear. This is not about getting rid of them.  It is about seeing them, acknowledging them and still love and accept yourself as a human being.

 

Drop all your achievements, all labels, all your degrees, all the things you “own”, your name and creations you may have done,

 

and who are you? what is your worth? what is your value? What is left?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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